Feeling very peri…
For a long while I’ve been unsure – am I or aren’t I? Is my sporadic sleeplessness and occasional anxiety due to my role as social secretary to my three kids, could my brain fog be down to getting older?
At 2.22am this morning I had an epiphany which is probably obvious to everyone around except me, but I woke up feeling as if I was lying in a pizza oven – then spent the next three hours worrying about my sick dog, my purse that was stolen the night before and the fact that I’d promised my 17-year-old that I would get up at 6am to do our first ever Park Run.
The yoga breathing and relaxation practices which normally lull me back to sleep didn’t work. Was it just a feeling of being overwhelmed (yes) but was it something more? Could the fact that I tidied my 11-year-old son’s earphones away (and had no recollection of where I’d put them) be something more than forgetfulness – or am I in peri-menopause?
And the answer is clearly I am there – I feel as if I have been yo-yoing on the brink of peri menopause for a few years… I’m nearly 49 (there I’ve admitted it) although I do find that hard to believe.
And for the past few years I feel like many women my age – dedicating my life to my family. Don’t get me wrong, I want to do it – I decided to have kids (although it really is a lot more work and sacrifice than I had realised). The rewards are there but they do seem to be a bit fewer as the kids get older.
But I do feel swamped by the mundane and constant nature of my “job” which overshadows my career aspirations. I get through a day of chores only to have a scrap of time for myself and my business. I work on letting go of these feelings that continue to gnaw away at me… I let opportunities pass me by, I should have done this or that…
I don’t want to be someone who has regrets in life, I want to continue to move forward in life, to be excited and passionate about what I do… is it menopause that begins to sap these feelings, is it having a house full of teens and tweens or is a combination of the two?
Recently I went along to a book talk about menopause – and it was both exciting and demoralising – a room full of beautiful women all feeling a little drained and unheard… scratch the surface and I realise I am far from alone, yet we just continue to put our heads down and keep going. Day to day. Washing load to washing load. School note to school note. Yet there is so much wisdom, passion and kindness too – these are the selfless women who put everyone else first except themselves – yet menopause forces us to a place where we look at where we are at and realise the time has come where we do have to follow our passions and to do our own thing. And to not let ourselves be ground down by drudgery.
So… I have decided to do something about this and I am creating a community – one where people can vent and share ideas, feelings, tips and knowledge. So please comment below or on the Katie Brown Yoga FB page Understand that you are not alone and you are supported 🙂
I’m also going to share the yoga techniques I have learnt through my 20 years as a yoga teacher. Please let me know if you are feeling a certain symptom – physical or emotional – as there’s often a yoga pose or practice that can help.
And let me know if you’d like me to run a Nurturing Yoga and Menopause for if you are like me, feeling very peri…!
I really appreciate you reading to the bottom! Please share this post to anyone you think might benefit. Katie xx